


Five times River Songs slaps the Doctor, without explaining why and one time she does. Or five times the Doctor knows what he has done and one time he really doesn’t

by N8schatten



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Bill Potts is done, F/M, Idiots in Love, Implied Library Fix-It, River Song slapping the Doctor, St. Luke's University, bickering idiots
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-31
Updated: 2020-05-31
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:49:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24470845
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/N8schatten/pseuds/N8schatten
Summary: Both the Doctor and River Song are well known at St. Lukes University. Mostly because they are brilliant teachers. Partly because they are teaching there for over sixty years and… because every once in a while River Song slaps the Doctor in front of everyone.
Relationships: The Doctor/River Song, Twelfth Doctor & Bill Potts, Twelfth Doctor/River Song
Comments: 4
Kudos: 92





	Five times River Songs slaps the Doctor, without explaining why and one time she does. Or five times the Doctor knows what he has done and one time he really doesn’t

**Author's Note:**

> Hey,  
> this story was done a few weeks ago, but I thought I wait to post it until today. Happy River Song Day guys! It's the 12th anniversary of River appearing on screen.  
> Please remember English is not my first language and I still want to get better. So please point mistakes out to me.  
> Love Raven

**Five times River Songs slaps the Doctor, without explaining why and one time she does.**

**Or**

**Five times the Doctor knows what he has done and one time he really doesn’t**

**I.**

It happened for the first time in 1955. The Doctor was teaching at St. Luke’s for 10 years at this time and most students were in awe of him. His lessons were brilliant. His explanations were clear, and he was fair to everybody. At least he was fair until people did something wrong. Treat a woman like she didn’t deserve to learn about physics? Your papers would all disappear or simply have a bad grade. Act like you deserved something or bully another student? You no longer were allowed in the Doctors lectures. Everyone knew better than to act out of line in the Doctors lectures, because nobody wanted to be at the receiving end of those eyebrows. So his lessons became a safe heaven. The Doctor was well liked and loved.

Professor Song on the other hand…She was feared. She only was teaching at St. Luke’s for two years and at first neither student’s nor professors really took her seriously. Especially, the male ones. After all, what exactly should a woman do as an archaeologist? So at first the lessons Professor Song taught were half empty. After a while there were more students, but most of them ignored, her and just used the lessons to make fun. At first Professor Song went to the dean and the head of department. She tried to get some help, but neither the dean, nor he the head of department took her very seriously. Instead, they told her, that it just was boys being boys and she should ignore it.

So Professor Song took the matter in her own hand. She taught her lessons, but after hour, she had a smaller course for students who wanted to do some extracurricular work. When the finals started, Professor Song took her students outside and told them to proof to her that they could use the basics, she had taught over the year. Students had to build a tent, make a fire, recover artefacts, clean and catalogue them. As a special task there was a little parkour where students had to react to emergency situations. Nearly three quarters of her students failed. Most of them went straight to the dean, claiming it wasn’t part of the curriculum. None of those complains proofed right. Professor Song had everything they needed to know, covered in her classes and the extracurricular course had taught everything in practice.

Not only that, but Professor Song proofed in front of her students and the dean, that she indeed knew what she was doing. Her demonstration included a gun. Nobody dared to question her after that.

The Doctor was loved. Professor Song was feared.

So it wasn’t a strange picture to see the Doctor surrounded by a bunch of students, when he entered the cafeteria. Still talking about the topic of the day and answering questions. His friend, Nardole, was directly behind the man. Making little comments about one thing or the other. A much less common picture was Professor Song entering the cafeteria, looking like she was about to murder someone. Her gaze was furious and enough to make the students part before her. The Doctor was the last to notice her. He just had enough time to blink at her, before she had slapped him, hard. The Doctors head twisted to the side and his body followed. The sound of the slap echoed through the silent cafeteria and everyone was staring, as the Doctor was stumbling back, holding his reddening cheek and looking utterly confused.

“What?” He managed to say, once he got his balance back, but Professor Song simply huffed angrily. Spat the word “Bastard” at him, before she turned and left. Some students noticed the black thing stuck in her hair.

“What exactly was that?” Someone in the crowed asked and the Doctor answered, still staring at the door and rubbing his cheeks. “A bet” He mumbled, looking deep in thought. “Won’t you follow her?” It was a male student and it brought the Doctor right back to his senses. “What?” The Doctor turned and just stared at the man. “No! I mean, be my guest, but I will not follow her right now!” Several students looked from the handprint on the Doctors cheek to the exit of the cafeteria and back. Nobody moved. “So…” A young woman asked. “What are you going to do?” The Doctors rubbed his cheek once more.

“I have an idea what happened, so I will probably find a way to apologise.” Then he turned and looked at his students. “Sorry, but I have to go.” The Doctor left his coat flapping behind him. Nardole was hot on his heels. “You know what you did?” The little man asked and there was a hum as an answer. Some students even would say, the Doctor was saying something along the lines of: “I hate Bowtie”

**II.**

In 1969 it happened again, or at least it happened when students where around. Professor Song was talking to some of her students, while, she was walking in the direction of another classroom. Behind her group was the Doctor talking to Nardole. Both of them had some instruments in their arms. “It’s important, that you always write down your findings. Make photos at the same time and always make copies. Otherwise, there could be somebody, trying to use your findings for themselves.” Most students where fairly quiet and listened intently, so the small amused snort was heard by them all. Professor Song didn’t even turn around, she just closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Most of the students did turn to see the Doctor engaged in a conversation about something. None of them believed the innocent look he gave them, once he noticed them glare.

The conversation started again and this time, the students asked Professor Song about certain dig she made in the past and how exactly she had found certain artefacts. Again and again there were little amused noises from behind them. Most students where feed up by it, but Professor Song was surprisingly patient. Either that or she just was used to it. Just when they were about to reach the classroom, a student asked: “How do you deal with idiots who don’t take you seriously?” Know it was Professor Song who grinned. “Most of the time I just ignore them until I can prove, I knew better, sometimes…well, I do have a gun and martial arts have proven useful more than once.” There was a sound from behind them and when they turned the Doctor was grinning at them.

He made a low sound and Professor Song gasped. She glared at the Doctor and then they started talking to each other in a language that none of the students had ever heard before. It was low and sounded hard. More like growls than anything, but at the same time it was strangely melodic. Nardole, who stood next to the Doctor, wiped his head from one to the other with a speed that made most students dizzy just from looking. Then just a suddenly as the switched to this foreign language the Doctor switched back to English.

“Grave robber!” He said, accusingly followed by another sound in the language and in the next second Professor Song had slapped him. She turned and entered her classroom, before anymore could be said and her students followed her. Whispering to them self and trying to understand what just happened. Some students remained by the door, to see the Doctors reaction. He was holding his cheek and there was a faint glimmer in his eyes, but none of them were really sure, about that. Nardole next to him just shook his head. “Really, you should know better than to start _this_ argument with her. Or to call her that.” The little man walked away still shaking his head and after a moment the Doctor followed him.

Just as he was about to walk by the open classroom door, he said another thing. Professor Song promptly chocked on the water she was drinking.

**III.**

Marie studied Journalism for two years at St. Luke’s. Like most of her friends she had sneaked into at least one lecture of both, Professor Song and the Doctor. She wasn’t sure if she believed that both of them taught for at least twenty years, but then again she didn’t looked like she was 25 either. Still, both of them were brilliant, and Marie didn’t understand why her friends had to argue about who was better.

They too studied Journalism, so to discuss both Professors her friends had decided to slip into the lectures on a daily basis. Marie too had listened in on a lecture or two of her own, but she really thought what her friends did was obsessive.

“Honestly, he just wends on and explained this political game they played back then, like he had been there and was apart of it.” Peter said and gestured wildly. Marie let out a low breath and looked at her watch. Just beneath the date, 10.13.1980 there was in glowing numbers the time, almost eight o’clock. It was getting dark, and her friends just wouldn’t walk.

“Guys could we…” “OK, fine. The Doctor is good at everything, but have you seen Professor Song at the archery tournament last month?” Liz said, interrupting Marie. The short girl grinned like a maniac and Marie knew from experience, that she wouldn’t get a word in for at least the next ten minutes. “She never missed the bulls eye. NEVER. It was incredible. I asked her about it, and she said the _Amazons_ taught her. I am still looking into who exactly the _Amazons_ are.”

There was a faint sound from farther down the hallway and Marie’s head shot up. She always had been good at listening, one of the reasons she became a journalist, but this? The sound made several alarm bells ring in her head. “Guys!” There it was again. This time Marie could hear it a little bit better. A growl and what sounded like somebody being pushed against a wall. “ _Guys?”_ Marie’s stomach clenched with unease, and a cold shiver wends down her spine. He friends still ignored her. Both of them had stopped in the middle of the empty hallway to argue with each other.

“GUYS” Marie hissed and glared at them. “What?” They asked in unison and Marie signed. Those two really needed to get their act together. “Can your hear that?” Marie asked and this time there was a whimper echoing down the hallway. Peter’s eyes got huge and he made a step forwards to stand before Liz. Who looked like a ghost. Marie simply rolled her eyes. It was so fucking obvious, with those two it hurt.

Another whimper and this time it was louder and mixed with what sounded like a hushed, but angry argument. Marie gulped and grabbed her umbrella tighter. She took a deep breath and called out. “Hello?” There was a beat of silence and then the argument got louder. Marie still couldn’t understand what was said, but she found a little bit of courage and rounded the corner.

“Are you crazy, Marie?” Liz hissed, and Marie could hear the footsteps of her friends, but the sound was muffled by the sound of flesh meeting flesh. In the next second Professor Song rounded the corner, nearly colliding with Marie.

The Professor glared at them all and muttered something about Scotsmen and Timing and something that sounded like _Time_ and _Lord?_ It was so unlike Professor Song, that Marie could only stare after the woman for several seconds. When she turned her head, she was meet the dark glare of the Doctor and Marie actually jumped it frightened her so much. Liz and Peter where by her side instantly. Both of them jerked back once they meet the Doctors stare. Without a word the Doctor turned and rounded another corner, disappearing in silence. “That was a hand print on his cheek, right?” Peter mumbled just as Liz said. “Did she just slap him?” Marie simply nodded and blinked.

The Journalist inside her wanted to investigate. Wanted to find out what exactly had happened, but a little voice in her head told her to leave it, if she wanted to life. Maybe it was the thing Liz had said about Professor Song and arrows. “Let’s go find a drink.” Marie mumbled and rushed to leave the building.

It was a shame really, if Marie would have thought a little bit more about it, she would have noticed Professor Songs appearance. The clothes, that were wrinkled or that the blouse that was half open. Maybe even the fact, that Professor Songs hair looked even wilder than usual. Or she would have seen the smug curl the Doctors lips had and that the red of his cheeks not only originated from the handprint. Really if they just had looked a little closer, they would have easily spotted the hickeys and love bites on both Professors necks. Unfortunately none of them really looked.

**IV.**

By 1990 the arguments Professor Song and the Doctor could get into were legendary and somehow this had become an advertisement for St. Luke’s. So when one beautiful summer morning, they entered the main hall of the University together, shouting. Everyone stopped and watched. Well, they weren’t really shouting or arguing for that point. No, they just shot names at one other.

“Alexander the great” the Doctor said, looking like he was swallowing lemons.

Professor Song huffed and answered with: “Elizabeth the First”

The lemon look just intensified. “Stephen Fry”

Professor Song snorted. “Marilyn Monroe”

They had crossed half the hall and the Doctor stopped for a moment to gape at Professor Song. “Really?!” he asked annoyed. “How about Ramone?”

It was Professor Song’s turn to stop. She turned and glared. “Really? You’re still…?” She didn’t even finish the sentence. Instead, she turned and started walking again. “Well how about Cleopatra?” The Doctor snorted “Same thing!” and picked up his pace.

“Nefertiti?” Professor Song called over her shoulder. This time the Doctor glared at her, not that she noticed. “Stormcage” Professor Song stopped at the bottom of the stairs at that and turned to the Doctor. Her eyes narrowed. “You want to play dirty? Be my guest. Tasha Lem!” She smiled and took a step. “Lizz V” The Doctor took two steps. “My DAD!” Professor Song growled taking another. “Jack” the Doctor said stepping once more a step higher that Professor Song.

Several students were filming the whole thing.

Professor Song threw her arms in the air taking five steps at once. “SAME THING. Also Madame de Pompadure.” “Cesar” “Martha!” “HEY” The Doctor stopped at that, gaping up at Professor Song, who took two more steps. “Rose, Donna, Jackie” She exclaimed turning to look down at him. They were standing about six steps apart. The Doctor narrowed his eyes and glared at Professor Song. “Albert Einstein” He countered stepping up one step. Professor Song snorted again. “The Zygone queen” She remained on her step, her arms crossed and looking down expectantly. The answer came promptly. “Leonardo da Vinci.” The Doctor took two steps, as if the long name counted twice. “SEXY” Professor Song quipped and it sounded icy. The Doctor ignored it and took another step with “Jim the Fish” He was two steps below Professor Song. She narrowed her eyes on him. Uncrossing her arms and pointing at him. “Clara!” “Herkules” the Doctor answered taking once more two steps. They stood at the same step, with the Doctor looking down at her. She took another step, so they were eye to eye and leaned forward. Effectively forcing the Doctor to turn in her direction and stepping down with one foot at the same time. “My _mum_ ” The smug smile returned to her face and she leaned back, crossing her arms once more. The Doctor stepped back onto his step and suddenly they were eye to eye. “Hydroflax” He answered and then he was grinning smugly, while Professor Song was gaping. She looked absolutely shocked and for a moment she mimicked a fish. In the next moment she slapped him.

“GO BACK to your otters and never say this name again. I married the diamond!” She shouted and in the next moment she was storming up the stairs. Her heels clicking ominously. The Doctor simply snorted and rubbed his cheek. He was grinning. “Yeah, just the diamond.”

**V.**

Sometime Bill wondered how exactly the Doctor and Professor Song managed not to be discovered. Not only was there the big-ass picture of Professor River Song on the Doctors desks, but also the looks the shot each other in the hallway. Or the flirting. Really, Bill sometimes wondered if those two were even real. Or who had taught them flirting…

Ok, maybe it was just Bill, because she totally _not_ had a crush on Professor Song, but really sue her! The woman was gorgeous. The thing was, sometimes Bill wished she wouldn’t knew…like today. She had had a lesson with the Doctor, when two other students had entered to talk to him about a paper they had to write. Five minutes into that, the door to the Doctors office suddenly burst open. It crashed against the little cabinet behind the door and both Bill and the Doctor winced as the door came dangerously close to the TARDIS. “WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING?!” Professor Song stood in the door like a demon from hell, a piece paper crinkled in her clenched fist and glaring at the Doctor. Was it possible, that her hair was crackling with static? Bill felt her knees reduce to pudding and she gulped, taking a step back. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw both students do the same thing.

“What exactly, do you mean, dear?” The Doctor asked as if nothing was happening and didn’t even had the nerved to look up. Bill knew then and there he would die. A smaller part of her, threw its arms in defeat. _Dear_? Really, could he get a little more obvious? Professor Song stepped out of the doorframe and glared at Bill and the other two students. “ **Out** ” Bill was the first out of the door and the others followed within the second. “Holly shit, that woman is scary.” One of them said and Bill made a face. “Should see her with a gun” she mumbled, just as the other student mumbled. “My bag is still in there!” Bill just looked at the guy, then at the door and back. “I dare you to go back in there!” Bill deadpanned and if on a clue something shattered inside the room. Both students winced and the second one gulped. “Yeah, no, I think I can wait.”

The shouting continued for about five minutes and then there was suddenly silence. The one with the bag looked up from her phone hopefully.

“Do you think…?” Bill shot the door a wary look from her place on the floor. “Not a chance!” She had a suspicion, what exactly was happening on the other side of the door and really she didn’t need any confirmations. How the hell did nobody connect the _very_ obvious clues?

The silence continued for another five minutes. Even doe Bill wasn’t sure if that was the actual time the Doctor and Professor Song spent in there. Time machine and all that jazz. At first when the voices returned, it was just a low mumbling. Barely audible through the doors, then there was the Doctor shouting “RIVER!” in a way that sounded very alarmed. The next thing was an audible slap and Bill winced. That would hurt. The door opened and Professor Song left the room with her chin high and a sour look on her face. Bill just looked at her. Professor Song winked. Bill had to take a deep breath to steel herself, before she could actually look at the Doctor.

Her suspicions were confirmed instantly. He was wearing a different shirt. He also was rubbing his red cheek and tried his best to glare at the empty air. Still Bill could see the besotted smile. She just shook her head and buried it in her hands. Why did nobody notice?

**+I.**

Most students that had the Doctor as a Professor on a regular basis, knew that time was relative. Sometimes the lesson would be over before it even started and no one would want to leave the lecture hall. Other times and that was mostly if the lessons were scary, it seemed to never end.

Today was a more of the first. The Doctor was talking about space. Not in the scary kind of way, but in a loving and brilliant way. He told them about the wonders of the universe and how with every second another star was born. It was captivating and most of the time it sounded more like the Doctor was talking out of experience than anything else. So when the whispers started most students got angry. Angry at those who dared to interrupt a brilliant lesson over space and it’s beauty.

They were angry for all of five seconds, then their neighbour or the person in front or behind them would point out Professor Song standing in the doorframe. Soon the Doctor was the only one who hadn’t noticed her. Then again, he never noticed anything until her turned back to his students. Even then, you basically had to slap him with it. So the students watched as Professor Song watched the Doctor.

There was a tension in her shoulders, making them look hard and sharp. Her fingers tapped a nervous rhythm on her collarbones.

 _Tap tap tap tap_.

As if she wanted to calm herself, but her fingers tapped to fast to really be calming. She was nibbling on her bottom lip and was frowning. Everything of Professor Song seemed to scream how nervous and maybe even scarred she was. No one could understand why, but everyone wondered, so they whispered to each other.

The whispers went silence the moment Professor Song pushed away from the doorframe and walked into the room. Somehow she managed to be completely soundless even with her five-inch heels. Every eye followed her as she slowly climbed the steps of the stage. Her arms where still crossed. She continued to drum the four beat rhythm, but the look on her face had changed from afraid to determined and proud. Hardening the soft lines of her face. Her steps were even more brisk and faster than before as she crossed the stage and stopped just behind the Doctor.

For a moment there was absolute silence as everyone in the room seemed to hold their breaths. Then the voice of the Doctor filtered back into the room as Professor Song tapped his should lightly. He whirled around almost instantly. Professor Song slapped him. Someone gasped and suddenly everyone was breathing again.

The Doctor certainly was. He looked utterly shocked and maybe he was, because he was stumbling back, a hand pressed to his cheek. Nobody believed it was a hard slap. After all there was no handprint on his face. Still, the Doctor was white as a sheet and gaped at Professor Song for a very long time, as if he couldn’t understand what was happening. He finally broke his stupor with a low, but whining

“RIVER?” Professor Song didn’t even blink. “What the hell was that for?” The Doctor asked, still rubbing his cheek absentminded. She didn’t react in any way, but her face still was hard and cold. “I didn’t forget any anniversary and I didn’t insult any of your work, so what did I do this time?” Several students snorted at this. The Doctor was notorious for insulting Professor Songs work and every archaeologist in the world. Hearing him saying things like this was…odd.

“River?” The confused look in the Doctors face shifted into something that could only be described as concern or even fear. He took a careful step closer as a hand carded through his wild white hair. “I didn’t… I didn’t do anything? I didn’t” It was strange how soft and thin the Doctors voice was. He carefully stepped closer and closer to Professor Song, who still hadn’t move a muscle. The Doctor made a frustrated sound and took the last steps laying his hand on Professor Songs shoulders. “River, dear, I haven’t the faintest clue what I did wrong. So please talk to me. I can’t help you if you don’t…” He stopped and suddenly his hand slipped from Professor Songs shoulder. The Doctors face was ashen and his eyes so wide it was scary. His mouth was agape and every other moment it would mime a word, without saying it.

 _“No”_ Was the word that finally escaped the Doctors lips and it sounded like he was about to faint. “No, no, no, no!” He shook his head franticly and grabbed for Professor Songs upper arms. “Really?” He asked and there was something hopeful in his tone. Professor Songs face finally showed an emotion and she smiled a little smile that was still so much afraid.

The Doctor let out what easily could have been a battle cry. Wrapped his arms around Professor Songs waist to lift her up and twirl them over the stage. He loud and happy laughs filling them room and chasing away the cold feeling that had settled into the students.

“You beautiful, beautiful, mad women you!” The Doctor shouted and laughed a little more before he stopped and kissed Professor Song. It was a raw kiss filled with emotions and absolute no care for the students watching them. Really most of them tried very hard to understand, what the fuck was happening. “You beautiful, mad, fantastic women.” He said, kissing her again and again with every word. Kissing her lips and cheeks and nose and forehead. “My beautiful wife” He said before he kissed her again.

Finally, most students understood and Bill snorted as the look of shock and wonder bloomed on their faces. Only when they parted he sat her back down. He still held her close. His hands on her hips, but suddenly there was an urgency in his face, as he asked. “Are you sure?”

Professor Song simply nodded and smiled. “I am, I can feel it.“ The Doctor started to grin again and this time when he broke the kiss he let his forehead rest against hers. His grin was so wide it was almost splitting his face in half. “I love you, River Song” He mumbled, as pulled her even closer and kissed her forehead.

As he looked up, there was a quiet sort of determination in his eyes as he looked over the students in his lecture hall staring at him slack jawed. His gaze swiped over the students until her found a certain one. Bill meat his eyes with the one sided smile on her face, that very clearly said > _I don’t understand <._The look in her eyes on the other hand, said _> I know more than most<_.

The Doctor started to smile again. Huge and happy and glowing like a sun. Really it looked ridiculous. “Hey Bill?” He asked and Bill blinked at him. “Yeah?” “What do you think about being good mother?” If possible jaws where falling open wider. “What?” Bills one sided smile had turned into a full smile as blinked down at the Doctor. “You.” He said pointing at her. “Good mother of my child” Bill let out a startled laugh and nodded. “Of course!” 


End file.
